Of weddings, cookies, and criminals

Mom o' Dix: The groom's parents paid for her wedding dress. His mother said they weren't sure if the bride's mother was going to help them out on the wedding, they were waiting to hear from her. But they went ahead and bought the dress. Five hundred dollars. And they're not sure if they're getting help paying for it. That's like not knowing how to swim and thinking you might be able to, but you're not sure, and just jumping on in the water anyway.

Mom o' Dix: I'll get you a pan for that.
Dix: I don't need one, I'm gonna eat the dough raw.
Mom o' Dix: Oh.
Mom o' Dix: (looking wistfully at the spoonful of raw dough) I thought I was gonna get a cookie.

Dix: They're going to start selling lottery tickets Thursday. Do you want to look online to see where they're going to sell them here?
Mom o' Dix: No, I don't care about that, I want to see where the sex offenders are.