The American Music Awards, color commentary by Mom o'Dix

The TV was on in the background while I was on the phone with my mother tonight.

Mom o'Dix: Mary J. Blige, Nelly Furtado, Snoop Dog. Dem Franchise Boys.
Dix: Who?
Mom o'Dix: Dem Franchise Boys.
Dix: WHO??
Mom o'Dix: Barry Manilow. I like him. Snow Patrol. Have you heard of them? Rascal Flatts.
TV in the background: Kevin Federline!
Dix: Oh boy.
Mom o'Dix: They're letting him down with strings! They put him in a crate. They said it's soundproof and we won't be able to hear him sing. They have him him on the back of a tractor trailer. Uh oh, they cut the rope. They're gonna let him in the water. OH NO!! They put him in a crate and threw him in the river. I'm not making this up! You think I'm making this up. This is Britney Spears now. You said this is the one she was married to. She is going to give out an award now. Female R&B, Soul. Mary J. Blige. Mariah Carey. She's the one that screams, isn't she? Mary J. Blige won.
Mom o'Dix: Cheetah Girls. Do you know them? Pop Rock Album. NICKELBACK.
Dix: Nuh uh.
Mom o'Dix: Yes, Nickelback. All the Right Reasons. Stadium Arcadium. Do you know them?
Dix: No.
Mom o' Dix: These must be a bunch of younguns. You don't know them. Nickelback won. Man, he's weird looking. There's Clay Aiken. No, that's Josh Groban. Now there are a bunch of chains or beads hanging down from the ceiling. And they're dancing in between them.
Dix: Who's dancing?
Mom o'Dix: The Pussycat Dolls (raucous Dix laughter ensues). Well they are. There are five girls up there humping and carrying on. Now they're sending up smoke signals.
Dix: Why are they doing that? Who's on the stage, Snoop Dogg?
Mom o'Dix: No, it's still the Pussycat Dolls. There's six of them up there now, where'd they get the other one from? Now they just started a fire. Hmm.